A Modest Proposal

Hi there, ladies and gents, it's Swifty here with another brilliant idea. Now I know that we're all having a hard time right now, what with the animals all vanishing into who-knows-where, and lots of people have been pretty scared. Still, it's been more than a month now and no little green men have shown up to carry us off, no wrathful God has appeared on a big stormcloud to tell us that we're all about to be punished for our sins...basically life's pretty much carrying on as normal. Except for the bit about there not being any animals now. No animals. That's kind of a pain in the posterior, isn't it? 'Cause I don't know about you guys, but I LIKED my hamburgers. Yes I did. I liked being able to sink my teeth into a nice juicy steak from time to time, and I liked wearing my nice leather jacket when I went out on a date. Heck, I even liked knowing that there were scientists out there looking for a cure for cancer. Now all that's changed. And none of us like that, do we? But I've got a solution.

We use babies.

Now I know what you're thinking! You're thinking I must be crazy. Stick with me, though.

Here's the thing: thousands, maybe millions of people are living in poverty. All over the world there are problems with poor people begging because they can't afford to feed or clothe themselves. And these people go around having more babies, making more poor people, who go around doing more begging. It's a vicious circle! And with the economy in the mess it is today, what hope is there for these people? No hope at all. But my proposal (shocking though it might seem) can offer them some hope. It offers them the chance to make money, and the chance to feed themselves. It stops the creation of more hungry mouths to feed. I know it sounds extreme, but when you think about it, what's the real difference between a baby and a sheep? A baby can't talk or reason any more than a sheep can. Heck, the sheep can at least walk around and feed itself - a baby can't even do that! They're just parasites, really, living off adults. They can't fend for themselves and they don't contribute anything to society. But if we started using them instead of animals, suddenly it's a whole new ballgame! Suddenly even the humblest beggar has the chance to start making money!